Dear Diary,

I screwed up!  I thought it would all be okay, but I think I got a little -too- distracted by Mr. Vivi's little magical black-hole-thing (it was incredible - have you -seen- a black hole eat a chocobo?  Neither had I, until yesterday!).  I -may- have played with it a little over night, feeding it a few of the potions I had laying around, and tossing some chocobo feathers to it.  Don't worry though, I was careful to stay far enough away from it. 

Personally, I think it's cute.  I've named it Mr. Sucky, for obvious reasons.

Gah, look at me, distracted again!  I woke up this morning to find Worker 8's hole undug, and the big lug himself -missing-.  Suffice to say, I was -not- happy.  So, some running around was in order.  But I didn't want to have to deal with any of the other folks' -nonsense-, so get this: I did it -in disguise-.  Yup, just like the good ol' days, only this time I wasn't disguised as an executioner.  I was disguised as a delivery man!  Hoo-boy, did it work out great.  I think I even managed to fool Dyce, until I let him in on it.  He was pretty unhappy with Worker 8 getting away, but when I told him about Mr. Sucky his mood improved.

So, yeah, back to Worker 8.  I couldn't find him -anywhere- for a while, but then in the afternoon -he- found -me-.  Turns out he was ordered by someone to work as mall security, and he didn't take kindly to reports of "a creepy old man dressed in a deliveryman costume."  Well, we got things settled, and I ordered him to just follow me home.

I don't know -what- to do with him.  If burying him didn't work, I don't know what -will-.  For now though, we're just gonna take it easy, and hide out at home.

Dear Diary,

Yup, another long gap.  I know, I'm terrible at this.  But it's okay, Drac told me it's a sign of being -healthier- than I used to.  Y'know, back in those days when you were still on paper, and I would write my deepest fears and darkest desires, and when you would be stained by my tears when the other mercenaries made fun of my fuzzy shoulder pads.  I mean, what's wrong with fuzzy shoulder pads?  They keep your shoulders warm!  Who wants cold shoulders!?  The nerve of some people, really!

Er... anyways.  So, monsters last week (we barricaded up the store, made ladies-undergarment-slingshots, and fought them away).  It was... exciting, I guess?  Deffinately kept things from getting too dull.

But -this- week?  Madness!  No, really, some crazy guy's giving the orders around here.  Now, I'd be as angry as the next guy about that... except my "orders" from him?  Easy as pie!  And they give me -GIL-!  Hence the "rollin' in Gil" here.  All I have to do is keep the (apparently fried) Worker 8 away from everyone else.  Like I said, -easy-.  There was a bit of a hassle in the beginning, because Drac and Dyce and even Ultimecia were giving him orders, but I've got this -covered-.  I spent allll last night with a pair of shovels, in an undisclosed location, where Worker 8 and I dug a BIIIIIIIIG hole in the ground.  Then I made Worker 8 get in there.  But not before putting earmuffs on him (I -think- he has ears), then wrapping him in sound-proofing material.  So yeah, I buried Worker 8.  I'm going to be -rich-!  AND this is the easiest job I've ever had!  Like I said, great!

I don't want anyone -finding- Worker 8 though, so I've decided to camp out on top of where he's burried (also, I don't want to forget).  I think I'll order a pizza.  Do they deliver all the way out to the chocobo farms?

Dear Diary,

Yeah yeah, it's been a while since I've written to you, I know.  Sorry! :(  Lots of stuff was going on, so -something- had to go by the wayside.  Not that you're not special!  No no, not after the years we've had together.  All those good times.  The marriage.  The divorce.  The death.  The coming back.  The years of therapy.

...

Y'know, there actually -haven't- been that many "good times."  I... My life -sucks-! :(

But enough about all that!  Let's see, last you heard, I had recovered from the party, and was getting prepared for this tourney.  So I'll pick up there!

The tourney is starting, I guess ( though it's slower than the last).  This time, we're split into two teams, and then we get to -pick- who we send in to fight each other!  It's awesome!  The only bad thing really seems to be that I got put on the wrong team!  Dyce and Drac are stuck on the other team, which is just funny (but don't tell Dyce I said this!) because he -expressly- signed us all up for the team I ended up on.  He should have -never- written my name first, I guess!  It's okay, I don't think I'll have to fight any of them.  I'm happy with my team.  Mr. Steiner (who's one of our neighbors, too!) seems like he knows his way around a sword, and I like that.  He doesn't give off the "mercenary" vibe though, so I'll have to ask him about it.  Momma always said "Never trust a soldier who fights for something other than money."  I mean, look where that got me with -Ramza-.  Yeesh.


Oh, and I almost forgot: We're upside down (and maybe underwater?).  It hasn't affected the store much, but -man- did it mess up the apartment.

Dear Diary,

I am sooo excited!  Apparently a new tournament might be starting up next week.  I'm all for it!  My sword-arm's getting tired of the whole "store" business - I need some good ol' fashioned violence (though don't get me wrong, the money's great).  That "VR" thing's fine by me, too.  Maybe this time, I can win it :D.

In other news, we realized today (yeah, almost a week later :P) that Worker 8 pilfered one of our registers as a gift for NORG.  Ultimecia seemed genuinely PO-ed.  When I asked if we could just go ask for it back, she just said "You don't -know- NORG.  It doesn't work like that."  I think that's crazy.  But oh well, it's too late now.  We ordered another register, and just put the cost on Worker 8's "tab" - it's a good thing he's a robot, because I don't think he's actually -making- any money, with his continued disruption of the store.  I can't imagine working and not getting paid.  Yeeesh, that would just... it would be -bad-.

Anyway, I'm gonna go put some practice in tonight.  "The ol' Gafgarion charm" I call it - and by "it" I mean "my horribly destructive Dark Knight skills."  Heh.  I almost forgot how -fun- this could be.  :D

Dear Diary,

The party was a blast!  OMG, I had -such- a great time!  I think some of the other guests were surprised - they probably thought I was too -old- to still party, but I showed them!  Wooo-boy, did I get blasted though.  I'm... I can't really -remember- much of what happened.  I think Worker 8 and me were the only two from our little group to actually come on purpose.  Dyce spent the evening looking pissed, and Drac... well... I just... I never wanted to see that much of him.  EVER.  Ugh.

But yeah, good times.  I gave NORG his (or her) gift - a whole -box- of various underthings (I have to admit, I -might- have dug out the ones that Worker 8 destroyed, along with some of the other "damaged goods" - I sewed them back up though, so maybe it won't notice :D).  It wanted a brithday hug too, so I obliged (though it... kind of creeps me out).

Anyways, Woo, Party!  Seriously, I'd tell you more, diary, but I think I totally blacked out.  I woke up Tuesday morning out in the Chocobo pens - we don't even live -near- the chocobo farm!  I have no idea how I got there!  But it was probably for the best, because that is -the- place for hangovers.  Lots of clean(-ish) water, and looots of room to puke.

Dear Diary,

Our first week here is over, and I had a lot of fun.  Little Meci is back to her old(er) self, so Dyce says the dolls and the toys have to go away :(.  I think the puke-muffins are going away too, which is probably for the best - I think Dyce almost puked himself inside-out this week - it was really gross (and kinda funny).

I just found out that I get to go to a party tonight!  Woo, party!  I have to get a gift, though, and I have no idea what to look for - what does NORG even -like-?  I'll go shopping on my breaks today, and see what I can find.  I guess if worst-comes-to-worst, I can just buy NORG some pretty underwear - I mean, either it's a girl, and it can wear them, or it's a boy, and... someone else can wear them.  I guess.

Dear Diary,

Today was actually pretty tame.  Meci (I'm gonna call Ultimecia that while she's small) and I spent most of the day playing.  She brought a bunch of dolls to the mall, along with a big dollhouse, so we set that up and played house.  One of my dolls was the middle sister out of five.  She went to a magic school, and knew a bit of white and green magic, and was shy around boys (one even asked her out, and she said yes!).  She gets picked on by her older sisters, and she feels like her younger sisters get more attention from her parents.  She spent a lot of the time alone, crying in her room.  And then Meci said that the aunt was actually the youngest sister travelling through time from the future, and she wanted to steal everyone else's magic.  It's cute when kids make up silly stories like that.

Dear Diary,

I don't have any clue what's up with this place, but it sure is crazy!  Today, we come into work to find a -mob- outside - yeah, pitchforks and torches and everything!  :(  Seems some people really miss the girls who worked here before.  I mean, I can't -blame- them.  I know -I- was looking forward to working with them.  But still, I think we can do a good enough job.  Well, at least Worker 8 and I can.  Dyce and Drac aren't really -salesmen-.  They don't have to worry though - they can just do the more -important- (and boring) work.

But that's only half of it!  For some inscrutable reason, Ms. Ultimecia is only 10 years old now.  I mean... I don't even -know- what kind of magic could do that!  Dyce, naturally, claimed control of the store for now, which is fine by me.  But he put me in charge of the little Ultimecia.  I'm a glorified babysitter!  For my boss!  :p

So, we played a bit, and she helped me on the sales floor a bit.  I took her out to lunch at the "Eyes on Mallboro Cafe."  It was... a little weird.  People were just... well... vomitting.  I mean... yeah, gross.  Ultimecia demanded a muffin, and so we got one, but she ended up vomitting everywhere -too-, so that was the end of that.  I'm not sure I'm going -back- there. :(

And other than that, the day was pretty tame.

Dear Diary,

I'm as giddy as a school girl!  A job, I have a job!  And one I'm -good at- as well.  Gil will soon be in my hands again! :D

I got us all some applications for a store I was in yesterday.  A place called the "Group Room."  I was just looking around - so many pretty things (and pretty -young- things, if you know what I mean), but I decided that I wouldn't mind working alongside these women.  Dycedarg hurt my feelings, and said I was "too simple to live," but Drac thought it was a good idea.  We filled out the applications, and voila!  Work!

We did the orientation last night, so today was our first "real" day.  I was disappointed that all of the girls (other than the manager) had been let go to make room for all of us, but Drac insists that it's for the best.  Drac took it upon himself to redo Ms. Ultimecia's accounting ledgers (-all- of them), and Dyce kept arguing with our new boss about how his position should be "sub-manager" at the -very- least.  So that left Worker 8 and I to do the -actual- work.

Only a few people actually came into the store, which is too bad.  Lots of strange looks though - it's like these people never noticed that they had a lingerie store in their mall until -we- came.  Oh well.  The few who did come in, I was able to help.  That made me feel good.  I had to cover for Worker 8 too, after he blared "WARNING, GARMENT AT MAXIMUM PRESSURE.  MASSIVE STRUCTURAL DAMAGE SUSTAINED.  EXPLOSION IMMINENT" at a poor women who was trying (and failing) to fit into something a few sizes too small for her.  She left, still crying even after changing back into her normal clothes.

When I talked to Dyce about it, he laughed - a lot - and then said he'd handle it.  He gave some commands to Worker 8, and Worker 8 started trying to put some of the merchandise on.  It... it wasn't pretty.  After a few shredded pairs of panties (which he ripped, trying to jam them around he tree-trunk size feet), and two bras that simply snapped in the front as he forced them to hook, Ultimecia dug out a "plus sizes" box from the back room, and we let Worker 8 dress himself in those.  I think Ultimecia and Dycedarg really bonded over it all - they were laughing so hard they were -crying-.  Doth Gafgarion detect a budding romance?  Maybe.  :P


Oh, and I finally got knocked out of the tournament.  This "Lulu" pulled the same trick I did ("drain"), but backed it with some -serious- magic (not to mention being far more deft at dodging blows than her... -bountiful- form might suggest - though it -is- VR).  I was toast, but that's fine.  I think I could take this another time.

Dear Diary,

The tournament continues to go well.  :D  I won out against a Mr. Steiner today.  Big, brawny, and tough (I keep fighting the tough guys), but no match for a trained Dark Knight.  If this were in real life, I'd feel bad for Mr. Steiner, but as-is, I think it was okay.

Dyce has Drac and Worker8 looking for a place to stay.  I admit I like the idea.  I don't know where we're going to stay - I don't think I'll get a say in it, but that's okay, Dyce and Drac know better - Drac says he's a professional, too.

I've started looking for work.  Plenty of nice people around, and plenty of stores.  Any money is good money though - I'll probably stick with Dyce and Drac, wherever they decide to go.